oh the things i will do to not write a paper.

i'm really into this song right now, although it makes me want to lie in bed and cry all day. im not really sure why.

the semester is almost over and i have a shit ton of work to do. its really stressing me out. i have taken to having song length dance parties in my room to deal with it. i find a song that i like to dance to, turn off all the lights, close my eyes and then just dance. sometimes i just jump up and down to the beat of the music. it totally makes me feel better.

tomorrow my new roommate moves in and i'm a little afraid. what if i run this one off too?  hopefully we will get along, but im a little worried.

lately i have been waking up in weird positions with all of my covers strewn about. i think i have been having really crazy dreams, but it might be because the cold weather had been making my memory foam mattress really stiff.

my french manicure is neon green right now. if my hands were more attractive i would post a picture.

le sigh.. back to low income women that want to stay single. .... lord, academic reading will be the death of me.

you're all alone friend, pick up the phone then.

i hated this song the first time i heard it but it is growing on me. mostly because i heard it in a bar when i was a little buzzed and i was into it.

im sticking with greens, couscous and chicken. im glad im not sick of it yet.

you cant tell here but i added brussel sprouts and then proceeded to burn the bottom of the pan.

i also used whole wheat couscous. you cant really tell that much of a taste difference but it was actually the most perfectly cooked couscous i have ever made. i marveled at it for a  full minute just stirring it around after i lifted the lid.

the end result looked very simmilar to the other meals (because it is). but i friend the tenderloin pieces seperately and ate them first. the chicken breasts at berkeley bowl are huge right now.

keyon also made an amazing oxtail stew over mashed celery root. straight out of a cooking show it was my first oxtail and it was amazing.

put it down on me

man this song gets stuck in your head. 1:23 is the best part.

i had a doctors appointment today. i have lost 11 pounds since i started seeing her and all of my at risk stuff is way down. my triglycerides are down from over 100 to under 300. i think she was really pleased with the results because she kept giving me high fives. i am also now allowed to exercise. i am thinking about buying a scale.

i havent really changed that much though. the only think i have really cut out of my diet is fast food and pho. i have also stopped adding sat to my home cooked food. i find it kind of amazing that everything would drop that much.

today i made sole fillet with asparagus and couscous

floured the fillets and fried them in olive oil and butter.

then i took out the fillets and added the asparagus. i like my asparagus a little crunchy so i just fried it around for a little bit.

the end result was amazing, i also cheated a little and drizzled some braggs ammino acids on it. it was amazing.

for dessert i made framboise soy ice cream floats. they were the best thing ever!!!!

it was a good day even though i spent most of it playing final fantasy 7.

don't waste your light on me.

it has a ska feeling, but i am really into this song right now. i wish they would put an album out already.

its raining and homer is so cold he climbs all over me until i settle enough and he can sprawl in the warmth of whatever part of me he has settled on.

i have one more day of class until spring break and it just happens to be a midterm i haven't studied for at all. crap on top of crap. i have spent the last two days frantically transcribing all of my notes to my computer in the opes that the refresher will somehow make me more intelligent. i think it might be working. but honestly, professors that do short answer and essay questions should not be allowed to teach. its harder on them and harder on me. i cant spell or write well of the top of my head and this test is pretty much screwing me. but then a week off!! did i mention what i am going to do?

i am going to do homework, prime the shit out of my spare room and hopefully play final fantasy 7 in its entirety. i cant wait. oh, and i am also going to sleep sleep sleep!!!!

because yesterday was my long day and because someone behind me on bart was eating kfc when i got home i had the strongest kfc craving that i gave in an bought some. did you know that emeryville is the only kfc that still carries the spicy recipe? isn't that crazy? it is so good!!! i will never forgive kika for introducing me to kfc.

but today i went healthy. i ate coffee and sushi and cliff bars and a plain bagel with nothing on it.

then for dinner i made southern greens from trader joes with garlic and onion sauteed in butter and olive oil, couscous with lemon and chicken bullion.  and chicken breasts as per this recipe.
http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/tips-techniques/kitchen-magic-how-to-cook-moist-and-tender-chicken-breasts-036891

omg it was sooo good!!! and although i miss salt immensely,  the only added salt was the salt in the bullion.

i cant wait until this time tomorrow!!!! spring break bitches!!!!

You ain’t gotta pack your bags, tell your boss you gon miss work

um, britney spears in the castro in 15 min. thats 5 am pst. crazy.
today i had a hamburger and french fries and it was amazing. i sat with both asian colin and other colin and we bonded over how were were all adopted by white people. weird.
i had two cups of coffee and it never felt like enough, i was an hour late to class.
when i got home i went out for Ethiopian food and when i got home joe and phoebes apt was wide open and dark. we called joe, (no answer) and then we called 911.  it took the officers 2-3 hours to arrive and by that time joe had already gotten home and we had gone inside. the place was ransacked, just like mine had been. the only upside was that after i got robbed joe went out the next day and got renters insurance. also when joe freaks out he starts singing and puts on his tap shoes. it was amazing.

Rather die hard, than die hollow

thats pretty much how i feel about dieting. im sure that if i was on my deathbed i would feel different though.

today  i woke up at 3pm which was not good. i had a weird dream that my iphone fell and the bumper and screen cracked like when you hit an egg to break it and it doesnt puncture through the membrane. needless to say i got no studying done today.  i went to have dinner with my family because my brother is in town before he goes to live in sydney.  my mom cooked two kinds of spagetti with two kinds of sauce.

fresh garlic pasta with butternut squash sauce, and fresh sundried tomato pasta with rao's homemade sauce ( her favorite.) we also had a salad and for dessert there was a homemade chocolate chip cookie and i additionally had a sumo citrus.

then i worked on my survey until i realized i had 40 min to get to the pharmacy and i jetted out of there with my laundry in tow.

later at home i made egg noodle soup with, of course, wontons. i added garlic and pepper to the broth and feel like the possibility of getting sick is moving farther and farther away. only one more week until spring break and i really need it.

on a side not i really want to make these.

and covered over all the things we are

i should preface this video with the warning that i hate it when bands dont really look how their music sounds. and i think that occurs here. not that i dont like the song, or even that i dont like the way the band looks, i just think that there is something, off.

today instead of studying i read the perks of being a wallflower. it was a good rainy day book, but now i just feel shitty and a little panicky about not studying.

yesterday morning we went to the amazing bakery where my sister works and i had the best bear-claw of my life! filled with almond cream that she made with her own two hands! i could die eating my way out of a pool of that cream and be happy.  i also snagged some gorgonzola sourdough bread that was to die for and an amazing slice of foccocia.  i drank tons of water all day and cleaned most of my house. later  keyon made this japanese pork belly/ radish dish that i love ( i give the belly fat to him, because ew!) it was less salty than usual and more salty than i would have liked ( because of my diet, if i was not watching my salt intake it would have been perfect.)  so i drank a ton of water before i went to bed.  patrick had a st. patty's day party and i spent most of my time in my apt and in keyons. i was wearing my new cute outfit, that until today was also my new everyday outfit, but i just didnt feel like being around people. also it was cold as fuck.


speaking of which i went to bed at like, 7 am  and i woke up at 2 today. i have been eating amazing won ton soup all day, and have doctored the non swanson broth to an acceptable level with garlic, pepper, carrot and lots of boiling down.  i had a coke at the bar for atticus's birthday and a bowl of ice cream when i got home. also some toast and bagel pizzas.  i know this entry might be hard to read punctuation wise but im tired and achey and i dont really care.
i have been doing this netflix on demand "yoga for aches and pains" video and while it helped the first time, i have been kinda achy the last two times.  boo. c'est la vie.

infect me with your love and fill me with your poison.

im obsessed with katy perry songs. i let one in ( teenage dream) and ever since then i love them all. i need help.

today my sister and i cooked an amazing meal and made wontons.
first we made stir fry. with onion, garlic, ginger, brussel sprouts, kale, cabbage, ear mushrooms and tofu.

after stuffing our faces we made wontons. i had made them many times before and always hand chopped the filling. but today we said, "no! we will cuisinart!" and we did. it was crazy easy.

paula lined hers up in neat rows.

and then of course being the creative sister she took artsy photos which i copied.

it was a good day.
now i have to fast for the next 12 hours before my blood tests. my brain keeps trying to trick me. it keeps saying " just boil up some of those wontons, just eat an orange." and i keep forgetting that im not supposed to be eating and then i go "NO!" and slap myself. ( not really.)
also i guess if you think about it i only had one meal today + coffee. thats prolly not that healthy.

if at first you dont succeed, brush yourself off and try again.

r.i.p. nate dogg. lame.

today was not a good day food wise. i started off eating coffee and a handful of oats with boiling water poured overthem.(not quite oatmeal.)


topped that off with a cliff bar and orange in class. then i  tied to eat a burrito, got a third of the way through until i couldnt eat it anymore.  when i got home i fell asleep until 10 ish and then i gorged myself on korean fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits.  i was doing good until then. soon my heart started beating really fast and i became really woozy. remind me next time that the scary "am i dying?" feeling is not worth the amazing crunchy salty sugarness of korean fried chicken.
took these pictures today at school. 

and found this one, it was the first picture i ever took with my iphone. dot since you are my only reader i thought you might get a kick out of it.

night.

if you were here i could decieve you.

the problem with falling asleep at 8 pm is waking up at 1 am.

i totally slept through my first class of the day, lame. i ended waking up at 1 pm and had to rush out of the house. i thought i was gonna barf on bart if i didnt eat so i grabbed a carrot. then in class i ate a sumo citrus mandarin and a cliff bar. i swear, if it is discovered that cliff bars are bad for you im gonna scream because they itterally save my life at school.  back to the sumo though, these are the best oranges you will ever have in your life. they are the love child of the orange and the satsuma. omg i can eat ten of them an hour.  they were invented in japan and are now also grown in the california central valley.

http://www.sumocitrus.com/

afterschool i went to wally's and hot the chicken shwarma plate. i think i am now addicted. 

shwarma plate on the right.

this is an old picture because i forgot to take one tonight. there are many great things about wally's, it's located  in the back of a bar, they have the most amazing garlic dipping sauce, and with every order you get a free bowl of the most flavorful soup and a free half piece of homemade baklava!

i also had an additional shwarma plate to go for dinner since i have no food in my house and had to throw out the reezy beezy. ( i think it made me sick)

i feel a bit overly salted and i miss not caring about that.

too much of nothing is just as tough.

i dont even remember what i ate today. i've been waling around as if in a dream.  today felt like one of those days when you wake up in the middle of your dream and you cant think clearly until you go back to bed and finish the dream.


i went to berkeley bow with gina and got stuff for more split pea soup. but when i got home i fell back asleep until 1030pm and when i woke up i decided that i didnt want to make it. so i made reezybeezy instead.


onions, cooked rice, ground beef, carrots/peas (frozen). salt pepper.

it turned out a little weird, i think the rice was too mushy, but it felt comforting.

maybe it does not look that appetizing.

i feel like getting lost tonight.

um, school sucks.

its been a whirlwind of insanity that mostly involves me lying around my house watching "all creatures great and small" on netflix.
 ive been eating cliff bars, oranges and coffee like crazy, also i try to make one big meal on the weekend and take it with me to school as long as i can. otherwise i try to go to the salad bar and i have been bringing my own container of lemon juice, olive oil and a super small tiny bit of salt. the salad dressing at school is disgusting.


today keyon, sam, gina and i went to Alameda to visit my sister at the bakery she works at. they have the most amazing stuff ever. amazing chocolate croissants and super good sourdough bread. i bought one loaf with olives one without. then there were cheese sticks with sausage, cheese sticks with gorgonzola, focaccia i was in heaven.

then we went to the resturant supply store where i bought a real set of tongs!!!!!

then gina, keyon and i went to a bunch of old stuff places. we ended up at urban ore. while looking around  i hear " i recognize you" and turn around to see the face of a stranger. i asked him from where and he said okcupid and then asked if he looked familiar. he didnt. it was awkward. i guess he talked to both keyon and gina about me and we are a 94% match. but he startled me so much and got my adrenaline going so i have no idea what he looks like except for hat and ponytail.  on the otherhand i almost bought a terry cloth towel dress.

then i went to berkeley bowl with mariza and bought the stuff that i need for my split pea soup.

http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/easy/recipe-split-pea-soup-104076

just add liquid

ready to eat!

and then we went to wally's  and i had the best chicken shwarma plate i have ever had!!!

http://www.yelp.com/biz/wallys-cafe-emeryville

then home depot and the new target in emeryville. both extremely uneventfully eventful and horrifying.

all of the ways you will make it up.

today i ate leftover stir fry, apple with peanut  butter, miso soup.

i finished painting my ceiling.  and i lay about the house all day. did i mention that i woke up at 3 even though i set my alarm for 12? i dont know what is wrong with me i just keep sleeping.

school starts monday. 

i will act in a certian way

as far as salt it has been a horrible day.
i ate my leftover spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast and i had chow mein noodle stir-fry for lunch, and dinner. (chow mein noodles, southern greens from trader joes, onion, garlic, ginger, braggs ammino acids, sesame oil, mushrooms, snap peas, carrots, broccoli and olive oil.)  then i made miso soup. (shiro miso, water, dashi stock, seeweed and tofu. )

im cranky and i only left the house to run errands.  i went to home depot tp get more paint and i went to ikea to replace some dishes,a mirror and to look at curtain and chair options. slim pickings. every ikea fabric falls on the side of ugly just ever so much at i dont want to buy it.

today i cleaned my room and monday i start school. monday i start school. oh god. why?

you are the only exception.

"you are the only exception..." right now i am fantasizing about singing this to a box of mac donalds french fries as i slowly eat them.  ugh... im not even hungry.

its been an interesting whirlwind of days.  my dr. called me and told me to come in so we could talk about my blood work. which is never a good thing. when you get tests run or bloodwork done all you want is a call from the medical assistant that says " everything is fine!" not, " please come in as soon as possible, in fact, how is today?"

it turns out that my glucose levels are also through the roof. so most likely i am on the path to diabetes. 

my dr. who was nice the first day and has now become short tempered and intimidating told me that we would have to put me on some kind of weight loss schedule. as she is telling me this i can see her getting meaner and meaner. and this was the appointment where if she said anything rude i was going tosay  "listen dr. i chose you because you were no nonsense and i like that quality in a dr. but i have a lot of questions and i may not be able to articulate what i want to say most of the time but i am not stupid. if you think that my inquires are a waste of your time than iam going to find a new doctor."  but instead of being mean she asked me if i had any questions and called me "hon" which of course made me start crying. ugh the embarrassment. then she was like, i know this can be overwhelming, its a lot of information to take in if you have any questions then call me. 

so i need to lose 8 pounds in the next 2 months. we are striving for one pound a week to aim low and be realistic. its funny because i was going to try and lose weight anyways and not really tell anyone because i felt that it was time but i didnt want anyone to be watching everything i put into my mouth. now, however i have to tell everyone because im pretty freaked out about my health. 

so im like, trying to cook as much as i can at home. im worried about how i am going to deal with food at school but i think it will be able to do it. i can either eat on my way out the door and wait until i get home, bring a snack or pack a lunch, or walk down to the trader joes and pick something up. im going to try and avoid the cafeteria as much as possible.

my big worry is the snacks and  packed lunch. i have no idea how to do that. so i guess this blog will focus a lot on that. liek how to make a barley salad. i imagine there will be a lot of salads, and other stuff that i do not have to cook or refrigerate.

today i ate miso soup, a doughnut and a half, three sipps of a too sugary boba drink, too salty chicken and garlic ginger greenbeans, white rice and a jar of coffee.

i need to buy more veggies.  oh and also, my second foray into vegetable broth was a disaster. im not going to use leeks next time, i dont like the taste. 

you know i like my girls a little bit older.

today was an ok day food wise.  day wise it was amazing.

i started the day with a trip to pixar my friend gave us an amazing tour and it ended in a full chicken pillared with brown rice and asparagus.  the rice was a bit mushy so i didnt eat a lot of it and for the first time in my life i couldnt finish the whole thing. so i got a to go container and then for dinner i ate the left overs and a bowl of japanese potato/ carrot soup with glass noodles that keyon made. very salty.

then i went to a show and when i came home i ate 2 grilled cheeses with wheat bread and a bowl of chicken soup with rice.

this entry is pretty boring.

but the band that i went to see is not.

http://www.kapowski.com/

check them out they will be the next big thing. 

the fruits of my labor i enjoy them while they still ripe.

it started out as a good day. i began the day with pumpkin flax seed granola and a bananna in  sheeps milk yogurt with strawberries. then i made the mistake of not eating for the rest of the day.

tonight we went to a project runway type fashion show where the winner only one because all of her friends showed up to vote. the dress it self was a hot tranny mess. i would have kicked her off first.

as the show progressed i became crankier and crankier. when it was over people wanted to go to a bar and i found myself just wishing that they would all be killed by an axe murderer.  finally we decided on el farlito. the best burrito place in the mission.

once i began to eat my spirits began to lift. ( its times like this where i think i might have a sugar imbalance.)  on the other hand i got a  burrito with carnitas and refried beans which sounds bad but i didnt get the cheese or the avocado. thats got to count for something right? 

i need to come up with a slew of meals i can take to school with me and snacks i can eat on the go. 

love bearly alive.

blood tests back, bp taken. insanely high levels for each.


i suppose today will mark the day that my life changed. for the better? for the worse? only time will tell.

this is what 29 and 9 months of never dieting will get you. 5'10" 280 lbs. lets see where we are later. i think the scariest part is not being allowed to exercise. who the fuck is not allowed to exercise?

it was definitely a day of unhealthy eating. however, i did substitute a salmon fillet for a steak. that has to count somewhere.

did i mention that i finally made a good chicken broth? thanks to mariza. the key i have discovered is not salt. the key is to bring the contents to a boil and then TURN IT DOWN and simmer for a long time. emphasis on SIMMER. noone ever told me that before.

this weeks broth base consisted of this.

2 onions skinned and quartered
4 garlic cloves
5 celery stalks and tops
4 carrots halved and quartered
thyme
2 bay leaves
1 lemon
2 whole chickens (foster farms(costco))
bones of one costco rotisserie chicken.
shitload of ground pepper
parsley

a little salt added after the broth reduced. ( and by a little i mean 2 conservative pinches.)


it turned out pretty amazing. next time i will use one chicken, one rotisserie carcass, most of the ingredients, minus 1/2 a lemon. i will also add mushrooms, parsnip, and ginger.


i've been pouring the broth over plain jasmine rice because i have not had the time or inclination to go to the store.  but today i am adding a mirepoix (carrots, celery, onion) and some of the chicken left over from the rotisserie.  and of course fresh black ground pepper, lots of pepper.


'

i lost the paper that told me what foods i should no longer enjoy. in my mind it consisted of avocados, shrimp, fried anything, chicken skin, fast food, cheese, whole milk. all things that i believe i do not eat or eat in moderation. ugh, chicken skin. this past semester i think has been my worse food wise. my new vow is not to touch fast food until this problem is under control.